The Internet That Was

We have a retro show on Rumble.

Once upon a time …

Really?

Yes, really. Let me tell you about how things were when Arab Spring and Occupy Wall Street and Anonymous had not been corrupted, as all social movements eventually must be, in our overly connected, commoditized age.

Attention Conservation Notice:

A ragged band of survivors from that rolling global brawl back in the tweens, actors and observers, have congregated on Rumble, of all places, to do as we once did on TinyChat. This is all in fun, at least for the moment, and should be read as such.

2012 Envy:

Since the destruction of Twitter by Space Karen, I’ve had no need to confront the sad wanna-be social problem of 2012 Envy, but let me explain. These are hippies …

Woodstock was fifty six years ago, which means that the very youngest attendees are now seventy. I was in diapers when it happened and my first Grateful Dead show was twenty years after that. I would occasionally meet people near my own age who knew everything there was to know about those three days … and when wide eyed and caught up in the moment, they’d talk about their experiences there.

Much like those people, who were missing what was happening around them because they … felt less than for having not been present for that formative event, there are a class of individuals (*cough* [REDACTED] *cough*) who claim things for which there is no way they have direct knowledge.

It gets truly ridiculous. Years ago I saw disinformation dowager queen Louise Mensch carrying on about an event in which I was directly, personally involved. Recall that she was a member of U.K.’s parliament until early August of 2012. There is absolutely no way a 1) woman 2) with a British accent, 3) small children, and 4) an elected position was present even in an observer role. She was doubling down, disinformation wise, telling a fairy tale that contained none of the names of the actual parties present.

Ansar al Haram:

Way back then I would engage in the loopy, delusions of reference writing style I sometimes employ for fun. There was such Islamophobia in those years that I decided to lampoon it. I wrote a pastebin in which the Salafist group Ansar al Haram sought permission from Sheikh Muad Khip of Abu Dhabi to employ witchcraft against the infidel woman Michelle “Crazy Eyes” Bachmanm.

Ansar al means “supporter of” or “defender of”, and Haram is “unclean”. There are a variety of Ansar al Whatever groups in the Muslim world, and Nigeria’s Boko Haram roughly translates to “western ways forbidden”. The name is an immediately understood joke to anyone familiar with that world. Sheik Muad Khip is a nod to an ancient image board meme, I Herd U Liek Mudkips. Any chan culture native would immediately know the rest of it was a joke and start digging. The witchcraft reference is a jab at both the patriarchal nature of Salafist groups and Christian Nationalist obsessions - Muslims are forbidden to engage in it.

And that was the predicate for a federal investigation …

I got an old rack mount computational flow dynamics supercomputer from a lefty activist in 2011 or 2012. It had been state of the art a decade prior, but it was old, heavy, hot, and it eventually got parted out. I took a picture of it, wrote a funny article about the Computational Troll Dynamics Supercomputer, and promptly forgot about it.

The FBI visited two of my former employers looking for this system due to its purported effect on elections in 2010 and 2012(!)

Once I learned that bozos with badges were the norm, I stopped publishing this stuff under my own name. History does not record if there have been any other such things found over the years. I leave the speculation to you, constant reader.

Live Action Role Playing Agency:

The U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency was first, and the Intelligence Advanced Research Projects Activity came much later. Feeling the urge to make fun of the USI in this area, as well as the host of LARPers on social media, the Live Action Role Playing Agency was born.

The first time I ever typed out Live Action Role Playing Agency was (I think) the week before I published NAFO’s D.I.L.D.O. Of Consequences, wherein LARPA’s Directorate of Intelligence Logistics & Disinformation Operations was first mentioned. I will win #IronTroll again in 2025 if I can compel one of the belligerent bumpkins on Comer’s Clown Committee to say “DILDO” on CSPAN.

Since the U.S. is in the early stages of a labor renaissance, the disgruntled LARPA employees have formed the Non-State Actors Guild. There are sample clips on TikTok’s @non.state.actors and the actual Sunday night NSAG show is on Rumble.

Nilst Calls:

During our rehearsal for the first show there was a lot of curiosity over my closet, its missing door, and what might be inside. My segment on the show, What’s in Neal’s Closet, naturally followed.

Here’s a clip from last Sunday’s NSAG show, wherein we were trying to internationalize the segment name. Vince hit writer’s block and resorted to AI for some of the work.

They even made an AI theme song for me, but there isn’t a clip for it yet …

Conspiracy Brokers:

A year ago in Confessions of a Conspiracy Broker I described the first thing I ever mindfully did along these lines. By that I mean I was expecting bullshit federal investigations, mentally ill former journalists, and the like, so I served up a nuanced preventative pill.

The Conspiracy Brokers are a Subgenius culture jamming effort against weaponized conspiracy theorists, which seeks to create a therapeutic double bind, playing on their mental quirks, as inventoried in the Recursive Fury paper. They experience a feeling of empowerment when they find “dots” and “connect” them. If they so much as entertain the existence of this group, by implication they are NOT empowered, they’re “sheeple”. The broker they are in conflict with is always going to best them, being an agent of whatever shadowy, nefarious “they” the conspiracist fears the most.

I occasionally mention Conspiracy Brokers, but for me it’s historical. I periodically hear from people claiming to be involved, these are always “fun but spooky” encounters. I’m pleased a seed crystal I dropped fourteen years ago has grown into some sort of obscure subculture of its own.

Conclusion:

Back in the day I achieved a good bit of celebrity (infamy?) without the benefit of success, and I’m well past tired of that. I was really resistant when this was first proposed, there were other things that just … were not for me, so I opted out. But having seen the debacle of Kirtaner’s Anonymous reboot up close, if I am to exist at all in 2025, I will do so on my terms.