Do Not Do Crimes

We need a review here.

Sorry for plugging up your feed with this stuff, constant reader, but I am not going to chase people around to deliver this lecture one at a time. Not all of this is apropos the current situation and I am not taking the time to sort it. These are just some things I have to deliver periodically, IYKYK.

Attention Conservation Notice:

Crimes, torts, what to expect from a federal task force, evidence obtained in the context of civil matters, COINTELPRO. I might as well slip in some stuff on 14 CFR 1211, given the crazypants nature of what I am hearing.

Talking Points:

These are in no particular order and each can stand on its own.

The FBI is NOT A REACTIVE AGENCY, with only a few rare exceptions to this rule, such as children “of tender years” going missing.

Nobody gives a fuck about your sore ass, there’s nothing in Title 18 about butthurt, so talk that stuff out BEFORE you have “the talk”, and don’t bring it up.

If you browse Title 18 and see things that you think apply, just STFU. Even if there IS a match, you are not an Assistant U.S. Attorney.

When evidence of criminal behavior is uncovered in the context of a civil suit it is a touchy matter. Filing a civil case for the explicit purpose of turning up evidence of a crime is called “bootstrapping” and it will kill any chance of prosecution. That goes triple if you run your mouth about it in private, and it compounds geometrically if you try to prosecute the case in the court of public opinion. Again, STFU.

I just went through and tagged every article here that explicitly mentions obstruction of justice. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate the evidence. Do not try to spice it up by adding things.

If you are having “the talk” you’d damn well better read Title 18 § 1001 a couple times. I can and do change my story from time to time, but I’ve got contemporaneous notes, and they get backed up off site. I can explain what changed, when, and why. You should not attempt this on the fly if you’re under suspicion. Once again, STFU.

If you are liable to get raided, you’d best have an off site backup. The gold standard is a friend in another country who will care enough to see that things get to your lawyer if that becomes necessary. Don’t end up like some dumbass heroin addict, posting threats to FBI agents because they won’t return your seized laptop so you can defend yourself.

Do not do crimes, that’s what it says on the tin. Putting a finer point on things, don’t have theoretical discussions about crimes. Don’t solicit someone else to engage in criminal behavior. Do not benefit from a crime after the fact. Title 18 § 371, Title 18 § 2, Title 18 § 3.

Did I already suggest that you STFU? Voluminous, cocky expressions of mens rea are never a good idea. What I said in Revisiting 18 U.S.C. 1001 is evergreen. Same goes for civil stuff, if it can be discovered, assume that it will be, and your snarky comment will get read aloud repeatedly by opposing counsel.

Federal investigations take six months. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got a confession on video, it’s gonna be six months. Finding Out that someone else has reached the Finding Out phase can be exciting, but things happen on the thirty day clock of the court, not the thirty second dopamine dependency clock of social media addicts.

If you are unironically using the word “fed” you are completely unqualified for the work of Informantspotting. If you’re consuming snitch jacket material and using your adrenal glands like a crack pipe, sucks to be you. Because you’ll be so busy stimming you miss the real hazard.

Space Aliens:

Having the trouble magnet superpower to the point where I get involved in international incidents, I have seen some stuff over the years. I am legit doing what I have so often said in the past - “Just sitting here, minding my own business, when it fell out of the sky and landed on my desk.”

And I’ve got the perfect solution for this problem. Stood it on end, right near the edge, and I’m certain my desk pet will take care of it as soon as she stirs from her nap.

Conclusion:

Did I already tell you to STFU?

And no altering, adding, or deleting stuff?

You are allowed to file an IC3 report, if you can stick to the facts, but you should not be making any statements.

You can seek comfort if you are spooked, you can provide comfort to those who are spooked, but FSM boil you alive if you can’t stop yourself from endlessly chattering about whatever may or may not have happened.

That is universal: Friends? Foes? You’re an innocent bystander? Just hush …

And in closing, it’s never a bad time to just STFU.

And now I am going back to my battle of wills with Antigravity …